I've only written in my journal once but as I read over it, I realize it kind of reads like Noah's mommy isn't in the picture. That couldn't be further from the truth. I didn't write a lot about Sara because I can't speak for her about how she feels or what she is thinking. I can only speak about what I see.
The fact is, as much as I hate to admit it, I am NOT Noah's favorite person. No, sadly, I run a distant second..... maybe.
Only Mommy can make Noah smile in a way that shows the twinkle in his eye. Only Mommy can get that deep down belly laugh. She is the one who sleeps next to his crib and wakes to pat his bottom when he wakes up in the middle of the night. She is the one who NEVER misses a therapy appointment, no matter how she feels. She is the one who never forgets the lotion after bath time and only Mommy will put together an ABC puzzle a gazillion times until he gets it. She is the one who walks endlessly around the living room to put him to sleep when he's having trouble finding dreams. She's the one he goes to when he's hurt or excited or anxious. She is a constant, unwavering, solid piece of ground Noah can stand on to guide him through this overwhelming world of lights and sound and people.
impresses me most about Sara is what she gave up to BE this solid piece of ground for her son. At twenty, you're supposed to be like a petal in the wind, changing and moving and "doing" and finding your way.
But Sara sits.
She sits calmly and resolutely while everyone else around her runs. They are running a race that I KNOW she desperately wants to join.
She sits so Noah can always feel safe to explore this confusing world and then find his way back to his solid piece of ground.
She sits so HE can change and move and "do".
She sits patiently so HE can find HIS place in this world....so HE can run in the race that Sara so desperately wants to be a part of. She will race WITH him, when it's time, and make sure he knows the way, but for now,
She sits...... For HIM.
She does all this with a smile on her face and a light in her heart. A light for her son that shines so brightly sometimes, that it consumes her. This light oozes from her being. It is written all over her face. She would do anything for that little boy and he will be a better man because SHE is his mommy. He feels safest with her. You can see it every time he melts like ice cream in her arms. You can see it in Sara's eyes too..... her big beautiful blue eyes. Noah is HER favorite person. Every belly laugh and every kiss and every snuggle is confirmation that God did good. Sara is meant to be his mommy. I am only meant to be G-Maw. But I'll take it. And I'm grateful for it.
And P.S........She's kind of my favorite person too.